Big events never really sink in for me. I struggle with any form of change, especially if it impacts my life in such a huge way. Grieving always takes me some time to get used too, I never really understand how someone can just be in your life and the next, gone. Same with friendships, you see them come and go so often that you become so immune to losing a good friend, you almost just distance yourself when things are getting to that stage where neither one of you still talks anymore, it’s almost like everything hits standstill! Any form of change that enters my life I deal in such a weird manner that one day, it will eventually sink, and when it does I have no idea what to expect… Which is exactly what has just happened.
I have spent the last 5 maybe even 8 hours on the phone to Matt, and then his sister, whilst they drive to New York City to go and watch one of his favourite bands, The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus. They are currently on their 10th anniversary world tour in celebratory of “Don’t You Fake It” being 10 years old! Crazy huh?! What’s even crazier, is that I adore this band too! And several times I’ve either got tickets, couldn’t go, got tickets and it was cancelled, or totally missed out on tickets… And i had the hugest “I’m going to marry him” crush on Ronnie Winter. Who the hell didn’t?
I guess you could say I hit the jackpot when I found out that Matt used to be known as Ronnie’s Twin. Looking at all the throwback photos of him and Ronnie they are like exact doubles! Plus, being that super close with a band that built your foundation of teenage years and music that helped you through the hard times too isn’t so bad either!
I have a real personal connection with “Face Down” yes, it’s an incredible song, but for me, it’s what helped me find the strength to say enough is enough. Find a way to say I’m not doing this anymore. It gave me a new source of life, for years I’d listen to it. Building my strength up minute after minute, play after play, it went hand in hand with a few other songs too, but this was the anchor.
So Matthew, is currently standing inside the venue reliving his touring days, probably with the biggest smile on his face, the bounciest walk he could ever do, and this adorable laugh he does when he’s truly happy and having fun, enjoying the night with his beautiful sister and amazing friends that he met along the way. I always adore gigging, there’s something about the community that goes – especially if you get yourself hooked into a social media type community where you can meet those people at these events, become an amazing family. It’s not a fandom then. It’s a second home, and I am just so happy for him right now that something happened. It literally sunk in.
I. Am. Marrying. This. Guy.
He is my one. He is my fiancé. He’s going to be my husband. I am going to go and live in America. We will have babies and raise the family we already have. We will grow into one person, we will have the biggest bond we could ever have. Two souls completely intwined with one another. It’s hit me like a bus in the face, a ton of bricks, a wet fish. I have this nervous pit in my stomach. It’s all becoming too real, he actually wants me. It wasn’t a dream. I really do have a ring on my finger. It’s actually there. Shining at me, glistening in the light, sending tiny little rainbow spectrums everywhere. I get a wave of emotion come running back to me that will always remind me of where he proposed, who I told, what had happened and such, how perfect the rest of my life is going to be now that he is in it. He is everything if not more and he chose me. He could be at this concert now with someone who lived closer, yet he’s there, messaging me. Sending me videos, keeping me up to date with what’s going on, who’s there, what’s happening. He is literally still thinking of me whilst he’s meant to be having the best day of his life.
Hello change. Come at me bruh!