Today across the world, thousands of children are spending Father’s Day with their loved ones, thousands of children are being able to spend this day living in poverty, not being able to buy their father a gift, probably completely unaware that today is Father’s Day. Thousands are spending Father’s Day without their fathers around. Thousands are spending this day with just their mum, because their father decided to step down, to not be there in their lives. Thousands are spending today without their dad due to work commitments, or because they have grown up and moved away whilst thousands spend today with their step dads and these dads, are extremely special.
When a man grows up in life, they have so many routes they want to take, dream careers of playing football, having loads of money, a banging wife. Some grow up just wanting a decent job, a wife and a loving family, others just want the bachelor life. It takes an awful lot to want to settle down and have a family, I feel females already have their minds made up about this at such a young age. It’s very much “Find a husband, have a career, have children” and when a female decided a career over wanting children the world breaks loose however a man can choose a career over wanting children and no one bats an eyelid. It’s a tough decision no matter what gender you are. Children and marriage are a huge thing that seems to have the meaning taken away.
I’ve had two children completely out of marriage, with a man that promised the world, with a man that promised to always be there no matter what happened. That same man bailed. When the relationship was over he stepped down. However, for anyone that listens to him, I’m the bad guy. He blames me, he lies about me, but it wasn’t my promises to him that I broke. I wasn’t the one that stepped down from the children. I continued my battle being a single parent that I actually started to prefer it, there was no one to critise you on what you’re doing, I didn’t need to prove myself to anyone, my children were thriving however I was starting to feel like all I’d ever be was this mum of two, single, no one to give extra love too, spend those lonely nights with, no one to really be a father to my children. I got used to the idea after a while, they had their granddad and for me, that was all they needed, until I met Matthew.
It was completely unexpected that the man that walked into my life was completely family orientated, asking every single day how my children were. It took a while before he saw them on FaceTime, I was pretty nervous about it all. I had to be sure that when I introduced them, that it wasn’t going to be a hi, you’re cute kids, bye and never see him ever again. I’ve been that kid where your biological father doesn’t give a crap, doesn’t support you and completely stepped down and all he done was lie and blame my mother. I didn’t want that at all for my children, family is everything to me and being able to find a man who loves me and has the same views as me was really something special.
Matt officially falls into the caterogry of Step Dad – however I refuse to call him that because in reality, he’s a father. He’s consistent, stable, loving, supportive and cares for my children more than I thought anyone could. When he asked me to marry him, he took everything into account. I think the hardest thing for any man to do, is take on another mans child and raise them like their own. I’m in awe at this act of love. It’s precious, once in a lifetime moment. My daughter firmly believes that Matt is her daddy, and will repeatedly point to photos of him calling him daddy and if I dare call him Matt I get told “he’s daddy not Matt” so now I have conversations with my nearly four year old about daddy’s snorring, daddy’s farting (yes, she can hear that too when you’re sleeping) daddy’s house, daddy’s coming to see her, daddy’s swimming pool, going to the beach with daddy, daddy loves mummy, daddy loves my brother, daddy this, daddy that. It’s beautiful, each moment she does this I feel my heart beating with love and happiness, that I can’t wait for her to spend time with Daddy and feel what it’s like to have that father figure in her life when it’s so important to have it. When she can actually give him a kiss goodnight and tell him she loves him right after instead of doing it on FaceTime.
Their bond is like no other, I can see her becoming a daddies girl, not to mention how excited my son gets when he sees Matt’s face, even learning to say “Daddy” he’s two years old and has never said “Dada” or “Daddy” it’s always been mumma or mummy and this breaks my heart most of the time, as he was only one when his biological father stepped down from that role, he’s never really experienced or known what a father is, as when we moved to Cornwall in August 2014, 3months after he was born, my ex spent from August to November still living in Hampshire, and only saw one another every 3/4weeks for a weekend, then we broke up end of May 2015 and the bond he’s building with Matt is incredible to watch, and needed. He needs to feel loved and feel that someone is going to be there for him, show him how to be a man, a true gentleman.
In many ways I am beyond thankful for having such a wonderful man in mine and my children’s lives. Showing us all what love is truly about, I for one am super excited to moving to America and just being a family with Matthew, expanding our little family with more tiny little human versions of ourselves combined.
So wherever you are Matthew, whatever you are doing right now and for the rest of the day, Happy Fathers Day Daddy!!