I can feel it happening, my heart tearing in two with every thought that today is the last day we spend as a whole, before this perfect little family we have built comes crumbling back down to being incomplete. Knowing that tonight will be the last time I can say goodnight and wake up to the one I love then start the day like a proper little family that we are. I’m not ready to say goodbye, I’m not reading for the last of everything, not yet. Not when everything is so right. When everything is a fairytale worth of perfection.
Every day has been special. I’ve been able to watch the beautiful bond between Matthew and the children, witnessed them choose him over me for the night time routine, or for every day cuddles. I’ve been able to say “go get daddy” and watch their faces light up when he walks into the room.
I know they aren’t going to like him going just as much as I don’t, I’m not even sure what the effect will be on them. One minute he’s there for a while, the next he’s going on a coach, then say hello to daddy on FaceTime. I’m not even sure if I like the idea of all that disruption and confusion, won’t lie to you – the thought of kidnapping him has crossed my mind one too many times! I mean, it’s not really kidnapping if he’s your fiancé right?!
Please can I just stay in this happy bubble? My heart literally can’t cope being ripped apart just at the thought of me saying goodbye tomorrow, I know I’m going to cry and I’ll probably cry all sodding day. I’m not ready for FaceTime dates, phone calls and texts, sending each other photos of our day and what we look like. I want the photos that we take together, to be the only thing we send each other, or photos of the children that we take ourselves, walking to the school to pick them up, going shopping together, not separately, being in the same time zone as one another, being able to fall asleep next to the person I’m spending the rest of my life with.
For now, I’m left with memories of the times we’ve had this trip and hope that we get another time for another little slideshow.