I’m just going to take time out of my day to show a little appreciation. I feel like sometimes, as the human race we are, we don’t show it enough. Every day that we live isn’t promised to us. At any time we could breathe our last breath, that last goodbye, the last I love you. We love each day like we are owed that day, go about everything as if it just comes easily to us. When we stop to think about other countries and how the less fortunate are fighting for their lives each and every day, when that’s not even their doing. We’ve caused that. Each and every single one of us has caused that. Which is why I feel like I need to show my appreciation to someone that I can’t do in person, purely for the sake of 3037 miles separating us, and yes, I always talk about him.
Matthew’s been in my life for a while now, and I don’t really talk about what he does for me or those feelings towards that, I always say thank you for everything you’ve done, but only those who are super close to me know exactly what he does. In fact, Matt is my biggest fan. My best friend. My lover. My soulmate. Now, I know I say (insert celebrity name here) is gorgeous or whatever, however they will never be “Matty Gorgeous.” I find it near on impossible to find any other male or female damn attractive the way I find Matt. No one can ever measure up to him. He is above everyone – and if you know me, he comes above Justin Bieber. I cannot and will not find anyone that can replace Matt, for the pure reason there isn’t one. He is my everything. No one will ever match him. Not in anything, to me, Matt is Prince Charming. He hits everything right. He is Mr Right. His personality is so much more than perfection, he’s beyond gorgeous, he’s caring, he’s loving, he stands his ground when he wants and needs too, he protects those he loves, if he gets mad about something, he says it. He is such a genuine person, that I know my grandad would have adored him, told him that he does wonders for his Ri, and would slap my head if I ever messed things up with him. I hope that I can teach my daughter and any future daughters that Matt is the type of man you want to fall for. I have so much respect for him.
When im down, or having a low episode or even an anxiety attack, everyone is like “you can talk to me, I’m here” yeah, that’s great, but you’re not Matt. There’s only ever been two men to have that effect on me, my grandad and God. I pray each and every single day, for the most smallest of things, I didn’t vocalise it so much in my previous relationship – for reasons I don’t want to dwell into, however Matt has helped me even more to touch back into my faith. I adore every moment of it. In fact, I get so damn happy when he asks for prayers. This relationship we have, we have put fully into God’s hands, and that’s where I want it to firmly stay. It has been amazing to get reaquianted with my faith, I’ve really missed picking up my bible and finding something that just touches how I’m feeling and thinking. I honestly believe that it would have taken me a lot longer to reconnected with my faith if Matt wasn’t in my life. He was very upfront about how huge it was in his life, and for that I’m eternally thankful.
Matt has this auora about him, whenever I’m in his presence I feel so safe and protected. I’m at peace, there’s no need for me to be afraid of the big wide world, with him I feel like it’s just us in the room, no one else. My anxiety is next to nothing. If I have a little spout, he doesn’t address it? Or talk to it? He holds me. He kisses me. He tells me he loves me. Or he leaves me alone, whatever I want that will help me, he is more than willing to help. When we aren’t with each other, he will call me, talk to me, I could say nothing in two hours and it just be him, singing to me, talking to me, everything that just relaxes me and that, is all I ever need. I just need him. There was a photo that went around social media saying “be with someone who’s good for your mental health” and I fully agree with that. Since being with him, I’ll be honest, I self harmed once and that was because of a few negative people that I truly didn’t need in my life, he helped me around that, he stood up to me in such a way that he was just standing up for me. He wasn’t against me, he knew that I was being treated unfairly by someone who was meant to be a friend. Since then, I haven’t self harmed, I broke away from that friend and now they are nothing more than a distant memory.
Matt makes me the best I can be, no matter what I’m doing, where I am. He gives me the confidence that I can do it. I haven’t reached full body confidence yet but I feel that just takes time however in terms of parenting, I always thought I was in the bad mum category. To me, being the best mum you can be, is someone who does all this stuff with them, bakes cookies, makes photos, does arts and crafts, makes their clothes, hand makes everything, and that’s just not me. Yes, I sit down with my kids, we draw and stuff, however when my kids are around me, I just want cuddles, playtime, park time, garden time. I buy them clothes rather than hand make their clothes, they don’t have the words fabulous decorated bedroom, but they will soon. I find it super hard sometimes to do all of this by myself and sometimes I feel like I don’t do a good job, then Matt steps in, he tells me every day that I do. He has all the confidence and trust in me that I will be the best mum I can be to my children, regardless of how much I fee I fail them each and every day. He has all the trust that I’m going to be the best mother I can be to HIS future children and sometimes hearing this, hearing him say all of this is exactly what I need. He gives me the strength that I need to realise that I can in fact do this, that I have been doing this, for nearly four years.
We all know that Matt proposed back in March, however every single day without fail, if it’s not every day best believe it’s once a week, I ask Matt if I’m really all he wants, if he’s sure he wants to marry me. If I’m honest, I’ve never exactly met anyone that wanted to propose two months into a relationship! I knew just as much that in ten years time I was going to be married to him. I could fully see him as my one. I just didn’t ever expect him to feel the same, I know we talked about it a lot, but I still didn’t even expect him to buy the most gorgeous and such a “Ri” type of ring, get down on one knee and fully ask me to be his wife however that doesn’t stop that little cloud inside of me doubt it, so in true “ranberg” fashion, (I have many nicknames for this one) I could do something completely random, and I’ll get a marriage proposal. I could send a photo, and get one. I could be on FaceTime, burp, and get one. Regardless of the weather, the distance and my doubt, the guy wants to marry me and wants to forever ask me, and you have no idea how much I appreciate this. That feeling everytime he asks me is incredible. It’s the same fleeting feeling I got the very first time he asked me.
He’s my biggest fan. Matt has a habit of responding to my selfies in the most incredible way. Emojis. !!!!!!!! And capital letters. If I’m having a really bad day, but I send him a selfie, with or without make up, he’ll tell me how beautiful I am and that he gets to marry me and how I am his. It always shocks me that he’s so public about me. He’s not afraid to put me as his woman crush Wednesday on his Instagram every single week. He’s not afraid to leave his comments all over my Facebook pictures. He wasn’t afraid to have it Facebook official. He makes me feel loved and wanted. I really like the fact I’m not a secret, as I’ve felt like that before and it’s not exactly the nicest feeling. Plus, I quite like being referred to as his. It’s not in a term of property, so please if anyone wants to jump on that bandwagon, please get off. I just like the sense of security that he’s not going to entertain anyone else, because I’m his. His fish. That no one else can touch, and no one can touch him. I’m all he feels he needs and for me, that means everything.
As you know, I’m a mum of two – from a different relationship. One thing I’ve always struggled with was to not ever replace their biological father. That was naive of me to ever think that. No one is ever going to replace him, however Matt has very much come into their lives and proved that he is there to stay. Stability, consistency, love, making them feel wanted. To the point they call him Daddy, he has taken to them like a duck in a pond. It’s hard for a man to bring up another mans children, and I sure as hell admire Matt for doing just that. Providing for them, being there for them, just being their everything, just like he’s my everything and I won’t live another day without being thankful for this. I could have found someone that made me happy however didn’t put the effort in with the children, but Matt took it all on. Everything. With open welcome arms. To hear that he loves those kids just as much as I do, not only tears me up, but makes my heart so damn warm that I’m basically melting.
Everytime I talk about Matt, or write about him, I realise what I describe is a “Movie Romance” he is literally one of those guys from a movie. I like that, I like the fact that I get to have my fairytale ending to this life. It’s been a mash up between Beauty and the beast and Cinderella. I mean, I’m hoping when we are together we can do stupid stuff like create a YouTube channel of us being complete donuts, dubsmashing, playing video games with one another commentating on it, playing Pokemon with each other and whatever. We have so much in common, not to mention all the places we want to travel. I just know life with this one is the exact path I want to follow.
So, Matty/ Matthew / Ranberg / Ronnie / Donut / Ryaaaaaan / Matt / Fiancé / Shiny Ampharos / Baby, I love you. Thank you for everything you do and continue to do, for always being there, for always being the supportive partner I’ve needed you to be, for always making me the better version of me. For giving me the confidence to know that I am the one for you, that I’m a good parent, that I do deserve happiness. Thank you for accepting my crazy, my huge geek moments, and those times of the month were I moan and just want chocolate. Thank you for being my calm, my anchor, my everything.